Some people say that a man with a beard is hiding something, but if you think it through logically, a man who shaves is the one who is hiding something – namely – his beard. And anyway, if the untrustworthy beard assertion were to be true then presumably the assertion extends to the accusation that secretive men keep their secrets on their chins.

While my beard is not as long as a lot of hipsters, I have had a beard for longer than most hipsters have even been able to grow a beard. Having a beard comes with responsibility; like most pets it requires nourishment and care; without the proper nurture and grooming you’re running the risk of being reported as a Sasquatch sighting before you know it. Remington Barber’s Best Beard Trimmer with self-sharpening blades has met, neigh, exceeded all my beardy dreams. The blades are coated in titanium; the lustrous transition metal with a silver color, low density, and high strength.

Remington Barber’s Best Beard Trimmer comes with nine adjustable length settings allowing for a perfect and even trim no matter what your personal beard style is – anywhere from moody and mysterious Drake to full-blown Fleet Foxes. It also has a cordless run-time of 120 minutes which no non-lycanthropic man on earth should ever need in one go, but it means you can get away without having to plug it into a wall for longer than it takes for the next full moon to come around.

For both non-beardy and beardy DIY types – Remington’s Barber’s Best range also includes a 20 piece Barber’s Best Hair Clipper collection which comes with the highest quality hair clipper, along with all the tools to style the hair atop your head yourself with ease and panache. With one of these babies you can finally take matters into your own hands and no longer have to sit awkwardly at one of those no-appointment necessary places waiting while the guy ahead of you has every one of his seemingly infinite number of children shorn down to number ones.

Both Remington Barber’s Best Beard Trimmer and  Remington Barber’s Best Hair Clipper come at a RRP of $169.95 each.